Renaissance

"And like the moon, we must go through process of emptiness to be full again"

Lately, I’ve been scared to write, hesitant is probably a better word. My fingers would tremble at the keyboard, my pen would fail to press to paper. I have many thoughts, but conjuring the faith to communicate them in prose has been a battle between imposter syndrome and what I know to be true.

For a while, I have struggled with the potency of my voice. Yet, as I reflect, I acknowledge the back-and-forth struggle with imposter syndrome feels like a second-hand lonely that has been hand-me-downed to me, from mother to child, mother to child, and again and again. I wish to speak up. I wish to speak out. 

A yearning has arisen, a yearning to break free from silence, a desire to resonate with the world. An audience awaits my debut—friends, my lover, and the world itself. However, this unveiling is not a debt to them but a homage to the center of my being. I owe it to twelve-year-old me, drafting poems during the peak of my childhood, fostered by the encouragement of English teachers.

Navigating the digital realm, a realm of perceptions, proves both rewarding and unnerving. Learning to be "seen" and to let others "see" me has been a journey. After having played my role in the shadows so adeptly I became comfortably unfamiliar with acknowledging my gifts.

These words— an offering to, a rebirth in honor to every woman I have been in this lifetime— for they have shaped my journey. Without their patience, pain, and wisdom, the woman who now weaves these verses before you would fail to recognize the beauty ingrained in herself.

Plans have been produced, and steps are being taken to allow myself to be perceived authentically—both in person and online. Readied to breathe life into envisioned dreams, I am preparing myself for a journey— a journey to personify the manifestations dwelling on Pinterest and Tumblr boards. Consider this note not just an apology for my absence but a grateful reintroduction—a rediscovery. To you— the conscious viewer who consistently recognized the mastery, that I now acknowledge directly within myself.

Thank you for seeing me, your friend,

Yan Aaikn